Ninja Breakfast

Top five reasons black beans are villains-

1. they have more enemies than friends
2. they're dressed like ninjas
3. they only leave their lair to wreak havoc
4. they taste like delicious evil
5. they are capable of producing a gas that can render a grown man unconscious

Tonight I wanted to feed my inner villain. So I made a breakfast that only a Mexican Mafia Ninja Assassin Street Thug would eat! If you like spicy, continue to read. If you are vegan or a strict vegetarian, you can skip this one. If you're a wimpy cry baby sissy puss that can't stand heat, go play with your dolls. If you get heartburn, go get a Pepcid AC and come back. This recipe is for macho burly tough guys who are watching their figures.  If you ever found yourself wondering what bad guys eat, this is it!

Homemade bad guy salsa-
2 tomatoes, chopped (I used one red and one brown)
1/2 lime, squeezed
3 green onions, chopped
1 jalapeno, chopped (get one with an attitude problem)
1 still-beating heart of a human sacrifice (optional)

Mix this all together and set aside in the fridge if you're into food safety, leave it out on the counter top if you're hardcore, or on a breezy window sill next to a petri dish full of Ebola virus if you're effing insane.

1 can ninja beans, drained (may be in disguise as 'black beans')
2 chipotle chilies in adobo sauce*, chopped (my computer has 'chipotle' underlined like it's spelled wrong and suggested I change the spelling to 'Chippendale'...so henceforth, chipotle will be known as Chippendale!)
1 white corn tortilla (more if you plan on feeding your fellow henchmen)
1 egg (see parenthesis above)
a fingertip grab of shredded monterey jack cheese ("a fingertip grab" is an official measurement starting now)

Heat a dash of oil in a pan and add garlic (oh ya! garlic! pretend '2 cloves of garlic' is listed above!), heat until starting to brown. Add ninja beans and your saucy Chippendale peppers. Heat through and add a shot glass of water if it gets too thick/dry for your liking.
While that's heating up, put your tortillas on a baking sheet and sprinkle with a little cheese. Toss in oven at 350 degrees just until your cheese has melted, top with about 2-3 big spoonfuls of your saucy Chippendale ninja mix. You should probably kill a pedestrian or shoot your neighbors window out with a rocket launcher right about now to secure your place as a hardened criminal. In a separate pan, fry your egg to your liking (I like to watch mine bleed when I stab it). I actually put my salsa on top of my beans and then added my egg but I believe vice versa would also be acceptable in most villain circles.
This bad boy weighs in at around 374 calories a serving so you don't have to worry about outgrowing your black spandex and matching cape!


*I just wanted to make this clear because the Chippendale peppers are what add the spice, I bought a can of them and only used two peppers, NOT two cans of peppers!! If you use more than two peppers, it's possible your intestines will fall out. If this happens, let me know and I'll tell you how to make sausage.