I thought it'd be a good idea to make some low-calorie cookies tonight since dinner was so under budget, however, I'm saddened to tell you, while I was mixing the butter with the sugar...*sniff*..my 12-yr old hand mixer passed away. *wipes tears* I mean, I knew he was getting on in years but I wasn't expecting him to pass on so suddenly. *blows nose* One minute he was playing in the butter, and the next..*looks away from the camera*..I'm sorry, just gimme a min...
So here's the recipe for the murderous cookies that can BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!! *runs off sobbing* I HATE YOU, COOKIES!...
2 sticks butter or margarine
1/2 cup sugar
1 large egg *Vegan Alert!*
1 tsp vanilla (I make my own..remind me to tell you how sometime)
2 3/4 cup flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup crushed hazelnuts
Nutella
Cream together the slaughterous sugar and the massacre margarine. Add your exterminating egg and your villainous vanilla. Mix together your felony flour and bloodshed baking soda and add it to your sugar/egg mixture..but mix it by HAND so it doesn't kill your poor defenseless geriatric hand mixer!
Scoop out 1/2 tsp of disasterous dough ball and place on cookie sheet. Fill your cookie sheet with these cutthroat cookie blobs and then go find the heaviest, meanest flat surface you have (I used the bottom of a drinking glass..full of dynamite)! Dip the end of your weapon in sugar and then smash the hell out of those damned ruffians! Once you have demobilized them, shove them into a blazing hot (350*) oven of death and leave them there until they have stopped screaming (about 8-9 minutes).
To make the tops, do the same thing but after pulverizing them with your sugar-coated instrument of torture, sprinkle them with the crushed hazelnuts. Then burn them alive like you did the last batch. To assemble, spread 1/2 tsp of Nutella on the bottom cookie and top with one of the nut-covered cookies. This should make around 6 dozen cookies, and cost you only 65 calories per sandwich. But don't let that deceive you! These evil circles of doom will wreak havoc and distruction on you. It's best if you drown them in milk and get rid of their bodies as quickly as possible.
First of all, my condolences to you & your loss.
ReplyDeleteNow, there should also be a vegan alert on the Nutella. If I wasn't so damned lazy, I would try these with peanut butter instead of the Nutella.
ACK! You're right! If I'm going to be a respectable vegetarian, I really need to learn to read labels! I'll look into an alternative for vegans and post it later. Thanks for the heads up!
ReplyDelete