Lemonpalooza Pasta

Well I've been debating since yesterday if I wanted to blog about this recipe or not. It's good...for about half a serving. I love lemon and lemony things but even this got to be too much for me toward the end there! Hmmm...to post or not to post..?
I haven't made anything awesome lately and need to catch up on my blog! I've noticed I'm a little more picky about what I post now that people are actually telling me they're trying them! Ack! ...OKAY!..here's what I'll do! I'll post the original recipe and then note what I'll try next time, sound good?

The recipe is actually called Lemon Butter Chicken (listen up, meat eaters!) and it really was good! Just was a lot of flavor. My first reaction was, "MMMMMM!!!" but by the time I finished half my bowl I was thinking, "this would go great with plain toast...or a power wash to the tongue". I didn't have meat in mine so maybe it would dilute the lemon with the meat in it?
Anyway, let's get started! This is NOT a recipe for someone who hates to cook. It's not hard at all but there's like..four steps! So if you're looking for a "boil pasta, add canned spaghetti sauce, eat" kind of meal, this isn't it.

For the butter sauce you will need-
1/4 cup white wine
1 lemon (next time I'll use HALF a lemon!)
Heavy Cream (Vegans, I used Tofutti's Better Than Cream Cheese)
1 cup butter (Vegans use margarine) and you probably don't need this much! Next time I'm halving this!

MEAT EATERS ONLY-
4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
4 oz bacon
flour

Vegetarian/Vegan alternatives to the meat-
Broccoli would be awesome!
Quartered cherry tomatoes would rock!

Everybody all together now-
Pasta (I used 1/2 box or 8oz mini farfalle because I love food that dresses up like a Chippendale dancer!)
olive oil
pepper
mushrooms (I used fresh but you could use canned if you like)
jar (6 oz) of artichoke hearts, drained
2 tsps capers, drained

We'll start with the meat eaters version-
Take your nasty hunk of dead animal (chicken) and cut it into whatever designs you like. You could get creative and do a Mona Lisa chicken but I think I'd probably stick with chunks or strips. Toss it around in a bag full of flour (maybe 1/4-1/2 cup?) and pepper (1 tsp-ish).
Take your dead pig and cut it into small unrecognizable pieces so when his family comes by to identify the body, they'll have to go by his dental records.
Heat your oil in a pan and fry your dead animals. You could do chicken first, pig first, both at the same time..don't think it really matters. Fry until cooked through.
Set your dead animals aside on paper towels to drain. In the same pan add the GOOD stuff..you know, the mushrooms, capers, and artichokes!
VEGANS AND VEGETARIANS START HERE- Add a dash of olive oil or margarine in a pan and add your mushrooms, capers, and artichokes and any other veggies you wanted to add (see above suggestions). Use as many mushrooms as you want. I needed to get rid of half a carton of them so I put in quite a bit. Stir this around a bit but keep your eye on it because it browns fast! I took mine off the heat so it wouldn't get icky while I worked on my sauce.
EVERYBODY ALL TOGETHER NOW- Get a pot of water boiling and add your little bow ties.
In a saucepan, add your white wine and lemon juice and bring it to a boil. Cook this until it's reduced 1/3. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS BECAUSE IT REDUCES MUCH FASTER THAN I EXPECTED!! Sorry, didn't mean to yell at you but I wanted to get your attention. Seriously though, don't walk away from that pan!  Once it's reduced, you can add your cream or vegan cream cheese and let it blend a few minutes. You can add anywhere from 5 Tbs to 8 Tbs depending on how creamy you like it but remember- this crap is high in calories! Speaking of high in calories, let's add the butter!! Butter has around 1600 calories per cup. Awesome, huh? There's roughly 1200 in a cup of margarine. That just seems ridiculous to me! Gah! So your sauce is going to be the major calorie contributor here! I went with the full cup of margarine when I made this so I could try the 'real' recipe and figure out how I wanna tweak it for next time. If you LIKE the taste, use the whole cup. If you're indifferent, use half! It'll save you a few laps around the block!! Now that we've discussed butter and it's consequences, put it in your sauce. The method of which you add it to your sauce is controversial because a food snob will tell you to chill it, cut it into little pieces and add a piece at a time and allow to melt before adding another piece to prevent it from separating or some crap.. whatever. I added a stick at a time cuz I'm unrefined. Mine melted just smashingly and I had no separation anxiety.
Your sauce is now ready to go so you can pour half of it in your pan of veggies. MEAT EATERS- put your dead animals in the saucy veggies now and mix it all up! The rest of your sauce can be served on the side or poured in your pasta..oh crap! The pasta! Get your pasta off the heat and drain it. Whew! I almost let it turn to mush! Scoop your pasta into a bowl and ladle your lemony veggies (and dead animals) on top and devour!
This recipe makes six servings so invite some lemon-loving friends over to help you eat it! Here are your calorie contents (roughly)-

Murderer version- 660 calories
Vegan version- 350 calories