Flesh Eating Dumplings

I had a busy day yesterday and ended up missing lunch so by the time dinner came around I wanted to eat something that would turn to cement in my stomach but not cause a calorie overload. So I made dumplings! I'll post both with and without meat versions-

2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
a blob of shortening (frik! I forgot to measure again! I'd guess about 1/3 cup?)
1/2 cup milk (Vegans use soy milk)
black pepper
You don't need salt, don't even look at the salt, forget salt exists!!
32oz Broth- vegans use veggie broth, meaties use chicken
Meat Eaters- you'll also need chicken! I'd probably use a pound, cut into bite sizes.

Meaties-
Put a dab of shortening (about 1 Tbs) in a large pot and add your chicken once it's melted. Cook it a few minutes but not all the way through, just until most of the outside has turned white but you wouldn't eat it just yet. Add your broth and let that heat up while you work on your dough. Your broth will finish cooking the chicken without it turning to shoe leather.
Vegans- heat your veggie broth in a large pot while working on your dough.

Dough-
In a large bowl add your flour, baking powder which is way up on the top shelf and always takes several minutes of me tippy toe dancing before I've managed to maneuver it enough to make it fall into my hand, and your blob of shortening. Mix this together. I use my hands cuz I really like using my hands. *wink wink*
Once that's mixed, add your milk and stir until a dough forms. I actually added another small splash of milk to mine so use your judgement. You could probably use a standing mixer for this but I'm not fancy enough to use gadgets so I just used a wooden spoon.
Take your dough and divide it into small sections so it's easier to work with. Roll each section into a snake but I'm talking a little garter snake, not a giant anaconda or anything. My snakes were about 1/2 inch in diameter and I then cut them into 1-inch pieces. These will swell considerably in the broth so keep them small.
If your broth is boiling by now, you can go ahead and toss your snake chunks in there! Pepper to your liking, cover and cook for 5-8 minutes.
Pay attention- when you take off the lid and ladle this into your bowl, make sure when you pour, it's directly into the bowl and NOT on your damn pinky finger cuz it burns the flesh right off and that has potential to ruin your night. So I hear.

The dumplings serve 6 and weigh in at only 264 calories per serving! Not bad, huh? If you add chicken (boneless skinless chicken breast) it's about 85 calories more per serving so a total of 349!
You could also add onion, celery, carrots, leek, all kinds of yummy veggies but I left mine plain out of urgency to put food in my face.